Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Best of 2010 - Married!

Besides all the camping, bigfooting, and Bob Sageting in 2010, the highlight by far, was getting married! I never suspected the day would come and I'm pretty sure the 23 year old me would of puked on my balls at the mere mention of such an undertaking.

Although me and Brianna didn't start off so great, mostly due to me drunkenly grabbing at her through the years in San Pedro, always ending in a loud slap across my face. Six years later things are better than ever. It's awesome to find someone to grow with and push your crappy little dreams to the fullest. I feel like I got my big boy pants on and they are tight....... and polka dotted.

Married life is supposed to change a bro, or at least that's what they tell me on the loading dock at work. I heard tales of wives banishing balls to purses. But, I feel my job already puts my balls in their purse. Having to get up so early can really whip a night hawk into shape. When you find someone good and the timing is right, do yourself a favor and don't be a pussnuts. Marry that bitch. You hear me ladies.

It was nice to see friends I haven't seen in awhile and my fam jam from Connecticut. Brianna's family hanging out with mine. It was too funny. Everyone came together and helped us have a cool little wedding. I couldn't of been happier.

Cliff was rad enough to do a jazz guitar version of Destiny child's song "bills bills bills" for Brianna to walk down the aisle to. James "Bobo" Fay performed the ceremony complete with the controversial couch-break courtship story.

We got married at the Estacada library then the wedding party was whisked away in a short school bus down the road to the reception at the Safari club. This place was basically a bar that housed the taxidermy collection of a dude named Glen Park who, in the 1960's traveled the world shooting things.

He shot the crap out of a Polar Bear, Grizzly bear, bear cub, eagles, weird Africa ungulates, mountain lions, Hyenas and a bunch more! Eventually the place was sold and became a bit of a dive bar. We thought it was the perfect mix of a natural history museum and place to get your drink on, so we rented it out for the night! Brianna and her fam jam and friends cleaned that place like three times, it was a hot mess. When I walked in those doors I couldn't believe it. Years of cigarette and beer stains on the glass were wiped clean. It was party time!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Bloggin' on Saget

I think it's funny to pop up on TV once every few years, so when my friends Cliff and Bobo told me they might take Bob Saget squatchin'........I yelled, "Get me in there!!!"

Me, Tom Yamarone, Bob Saget, and Bobo

I honestly just wanted to tag along and poke my head up in the background, but before I knew it I was sending in an audition tape to be in the show. Frantically, I went out and filmed two skits with Barney Rubbish, as well as a bunch of footage about how I geared up for bigfooting. It was ridiculous, but I knew if I was going to be on a Bob Saget show, I was going to have to bring the funny.

Lowlights of "the audition tape"

Some of the best field researchers in the country would be attending. There were my good friends Cliff Barackman, and Bobo. As well as Derek Randles, Dr. John Bindernagel, Matt Moneymaker, and many other people in the BFRO, (bigfoot field researcher organization). I figured my actual screen time would barely be anything because some of these guys have 20 plus years of experience out there. It was an exciting group to hang out with for bigfoot nerds. Even if you cut Bob Saget out of this weekend equation, I would have been delighted as a titmouse on a winter's day!

you don't expect me to list everybody here do you?!

Soon I was in touch with Renee, one of the producers. Renee and a camera bro showed up to interview me and get some "B roll". I was asked a lot of questions about my 3,000 mile moped trip looking for bigfoot back 2005. Being on the filming end of videocameras for most of my life, I wasn't as prepared as I thought. I could barely put a sentence together and was breathing heavily into the lapel mic!

"Crap," I thought to myself gently. I remember apologizing to editors and tape loggers. Figuring I would just make up for it in the B-roll, I ate some weeds, did some breathtaking martial arts action (ha!), and tried to have fun. When I attempted a roll with a sword in my belt, I got stuck upside down on my head. I knew my fate in this thing was sealed. After all, it was written in the release form that they had the right to make fun of us! I couldn't wait. I was about to witness the strength of Bob Saget.



Me and Barney caught a ride with Cliff up to the Olympic Peninsula. Although Barney wasn't officially invited, I needed someone to carry my bag and bake me delicious dutch oven cornbread.

Barney has the stance of a real dickhead, huh?

By his stance, Cliff Barackman is obviously a gentleman and scholar!

We arrived at the main base camp at night and met up with Bobo and the rest of the crew. The surrounding mountains were dusted with fresh snow that was blown about by a cold winter-like wind! It was considerably exciting! Team Saget would arrive the next day.

Bobo preparing to "kill it," as they say in the comedy biz.

The next day we went to the official site of the expedition a few miles down the road. We set up camp and waited for the RV entourage to show up! The excitement was bearable! There were so many crew people I couldn't believe it.

There were way more people than this.

The first few moments of the shoot.

Soon we were surrounded by two sets of sound guys, three or more camera guys, a photographer, and a bunch of crew. It was on! I mostly dodged the cameras on the first round. Later in the day I suspect Bobo talked me up, because Bob said to me before taking a break, "You and me gotta talk!" That made me happier than a bushtit in a flock of forty. Saget asked me if I would do some ninja stuff, and I replied, "Nah, there are a bunch of misconceptions in that field as well."

I got to say I wasn't sure what to expect from Mr. Saget. I figured he would be fairly brutal on us and I was a great target! Either way, my role would be to take the bullet. When he arrived I was surprised to find he did some research beforehand and one of the first things they did was visit the Quinault Reservation. I wasn't there but I heard they got a few stories about bigfoot from the locals. Still, you never know what to expect from Mr. Saget.

The next couple of days we were split into groups for filming. In my down time I carved a bo staff and a sword. I also enjoyed watching the bad ass camera and sound crew work. They were of the agile persuasion. Running down steep trails backwards in the dark, I was more than impressed! The shoot was done in a documentary style with no staged sequences, and it was pretty apparent that the actual bigfooting would be limited. There was no way to film a huge TV show and silently squatch into the night. That was fine by me because I got to pick Saget's comedious brain!
On our night walk we had some long conversations while the cameras were rolling that obviously would not make the cut. He could easily of told us to shut up and talk squatch. Instead he told stories of the late Peter Graves from "in search of " being his neighbor, and sneaking on coded dirty jokes into "America's funniest home videos." I thought this was great, Bobo was less impressed.

I remember him telling Saget, who he now nicknamed Sagler, at least two or three times that he was a pretty funny dude in person but for years sucked on TV.

"I always said if I ever saw you in person I'd beat your ass"

"The only Bob Saget fan I know is Flippy"

It was true. I told Bob I thought his directorial debut film "dirty work" was a perfect comedy. I freaking love that movie. He said he really had to fight with the studio and go to bat to get some of his fellow comedians on that one. He told us about working with Norm Macdonald, Artie Lange and the great Don Rickles. It was also one of Chris Farleys last roles. For a second I forgot all about bigfoot.

He even sorta promised to not throw us bigfooters under the bus. Knowing what footage they had of some of us, I got to say, he pretty much stood by that one. I think the show made more fun of the guys that can take a joke. They didn't even use the dreaded footage of me riding on Bobo's back, simulating my "Live your dreams" graphic. Some of the bigfooters there were really concerned about that one! I love that obvious joking around was somehow more of a threat to our credibility than serious on camera meltdowns. No names mentioned, but the show almost went from "Strange days" to "Intervention" a couple times! But enough about that. Check out this sweet graphic!

For the haters!

I guess if there was one thing I got from that weekend it was some respect for Sagler. Ya, he would later be making fun of us on national TV but that's what comedians do. He was a hard worker, down to earth, and a good sport who would not break the comics code and make fun of Dane Cook no matter how much Bobo tried to get him to.

Saget couldn't believe how soft my underwear was.

Check it out for yourself! Complete episode with some commercials.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

bacon rock and bush nuts

My obsession with bigfoot has led to many strange hobbies. If I didn't get so jazzed up about this crap I probably wouldn't have taken my first ninjutsu lesson back 2004. I certainly wouldn't have been psyched enough to ride a moped a few thousand miles and let's face it, my life would of been a little less zestful. While the martial arts training and moped riding are currently taking a vacation, the wilderness/bushcraft skills have not. Thanks to "squatchin" I find myself in the woods with buddies quite a bit.

Luckily for me a have a couple sweet bro's I can call with a few minutes notice to go out to the wilds! We try to get out at least one weekend a month all year long. The destinations are almost always remote and the nights are weird and filled with frolic!

partial rag tag crew

I try to learn a new skill with each trip and look up what I did wrong later. Like most people these days I learn a lot from the internet and books. This of course has led to many, many mistakes. I've cut off a bit of my thumb, ate poisonous mushrooms, gotten lost, fallen into water, not wiped my butt properly, and eaten a few bad meals. The last one being steak with a gracious sprinkling of dirt! When I saw that my favorite bushcraft supply company bushcraft northwest was having a two day course on outdoor cooking I knew I was obligated to sign up!

Mike, Me, Ryan, and Elliot. photo by Rick

Mike and Rick are Bushcraft Northwest's two instructors. Mike has been using these techniques in the field as a biologist for a number of years. I first stumbled on his skills from an unusual tarp setup video he has on youtube. I've been keeping tabs on him ever since and he always seems to be working on something innovative for the bushcraft field.

Mike Lummio

While Mike teaches most of the camp skills, Rick uses his special forces medical experience to add to the theme of each course. Since the topic was food, he covered problems that can occur with poisoning, choking, diarrhea, parasites, burns, cuts, mouth pains and all other potential problems that go with camp cooking.

Rick Sexton

part of Rick and all of a yukon stove

After an overview of the trials and tribulations of outdoor cooking we dived right in with some hands on experience gathering wild onions, spices and herbs. Mike also showed what woods were more sustainable to use and the best way to harvest them so they grow back better the next season! With that we cut some branches for various cooking contraptions like the burtonsville rig and a cooking tripod.

burtonsville rig. photo by Rick.

Exploring a variety of old school cooking techniques Mike proved how ridiculous it was to lug in a pile of pots, pans, grills, stoves and everything else you might think necessary for wilderness food parties.

Finnish stove. Rick photo!

We cooked eggs by puncturing a hole in the top and putting them right in the coals of the fire. The bacon was cooked on a stone slab that sat in the fire for hours. What better way to enjoy a Cornish game hen then by shoving a red hot rock up its butt with a smidgen of crushed juniper berries, then roasting it over a grill top made of woven bark and green sticks!

bacon rocks!

you still might want to pack in that dutch oven if you want to try some of
Mike's world famous
"bush nuts"..........the best donut on a cold winters night!

Salmon cooked the traditional native northwest way, splayed out with green sticks over the fire and also directly on the coals on a cedar plank.

Trying to summarize the weekend in a blog I realize just how much we covered out there and how much I'm going to have to leave out. Besides, I wouldn't want you to read this and think you know it all now and don't ever need to ever go out and learn from someone in person. Trust me, not doing so eventually always leads to bloody thumbs, sandy food and mudd butt!

cold snowy night, hot bitchin' meals!

Saturday, July 24, 2010

you should blog more bro!

Hey! I read on the tweeter that all the kids are blogging! I thought introspectively and gently to myself. I have got to get up on this homeboy! I don't know about you but I think there isn't enough crap on the internet that is stupid, funny and distracting me from real issues. And just try to find sarcasm?! So here's my attempt to add to the problem. I'll post new videos here once in awhile and probably even some actual blogs when I got something to write/say. I guess that's all I got for now. It's time to go back to cuddling my little shitman dog.